I reactivated my OkCupid profile. It’s only in the summer months when I get that slight urge to try to put myself out there and meet people. Summer is when I think it would be nice to have a guy text me and suggest we have dinner on a patio or just walk around in the setting sun. It would be better than spending my Friday and Saturday nights alone in my basement, wrapped up in a blanket and writing fiction like I’ve been doing all summer so far. So on a whim, after a year of staying away from it, I reactivated my account to just see what would happen.
The idea of online dating has always creeped me out. I don’t like the idea of men judging my photo to decide if they want to talk to me or not because most likely they won’t. I’m a black woman, the demographic at the bottom of the online dating totem pole. I’d prefer someone got to know me and like me as a person before they decided they wanted to date me but since that has never happened to me, online dating was something new to try.
On my profile under the “You should message me if:” I write: If you’re not intimidated by a smart woman. One of the first messages I got was from a guy who said: “I like my woman smart but if she too smart she’s a smart ass!”
Gross. I was turned off immediately. I check my account at night, looking through the random “Hey, how u doin’?” messages with absolutely no desire to message any of these men back. Then it came to me.
I have no desire to talk to men.
Not in a romantic way, not in a friendly way, not really in any way at all. That’s not saying that if I met a great guy somewhere I wouldn’t want to be friends with him. I chat with male coworkers all the time. I write about amazing men every day in my books – but I have yet to meet one in real life. The men that I have come across in my life have been abusive, bullies, emotionally weak, violent and cowardly.
So talking to strange men online probably isn’t the best thing for me right now – or ever. I don’t think I’m online looking for a romantic relationship because if I’m honest with myself I have no interest in dating.
I just want a friend who loves me.